Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lady Gaga at Lolla / Bonnaroo Flashbacks

So last Friday I went to Lollapalooza. While walking around Grant Park I experienced two Bonnaroo flashbacks:
  • There's nothing scarier than being drunk at night and trying to walk through drug-induced girls who are dancing via the use of hula hoops. I remember Tim and I having two manuever through some during Stevie Wonder and I was positively terrified; it was like when Sean Connery had to go through the boiler in "The Rock"...except the stakes were higher at Bonnaroo.
  • Chris was blown away by how many girls were at Lolla. I agreed and pointed out that at Bonnaroo they were less clothed (sometimes even naked) and actually of age. Which made assimilating back into real life even more difficult becuase I would walk down Bardstown Road and pass girls and think "why aren't they in bikinis and slurring their words?!" It also lead to constant cleavage withdrawal.

Speaking of Lollapalooza, Lady Gaga performed. To say he/she was awful would be an understatement. I could go into detail about the set list, the long breaks between songs, the "skits" that would make most mentally-challenged people read like Shakespeare, and her attempt to inspire the crowd, but I think I can summarize all that by saying this: Lady Gaga was so bad, her live performance should replace baseball as the thing that guys think of when they don't want to come yet. Just typing that has probably delayed my orgasms for the next decade. Gaga is many things, but boring as hell shouldn't be one of them

Also, apparently she is celibate because she thinks if she sleeps with a man he will steal her creativity through her vagina. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Everyone knows only men can be creative. And the real reason is because she doesn't want anyone to discover her penis.

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